I’m so done


So I’m going onto three years and I can’t cope any longer depression and anxiety is too much. I can’t afford a therapist and my old school councillor told me I really need to see someone. She helped me a bit but now she left and there’s this really crappy new one so there is no point even seeing her. My dad doesn’t work so can’t pay and mum doesn’t believe in depression unless someone is sad and that it will pass soon anyway so she is no help. I can’t talk to my parents or any friends because they don’t care and what can they do anyway. The very small few that I have opened up to do nothing and the person who I thought was my best friend told me that I was just making it up. My mum think now that I’ve finished training I am super happy and she’s “got her old daughter back” but I am getting worse and I don’t know what to do. She is very stubborn and can be scary and that’s saying something cause I’m not one to be fearful of many people. My boyfriend (first one I’ve ever had) of six months just found out I have depression which I have joked about and I have mentioned plenty of time that sometimes I just go through bad waves of depression so I have no clue how he didn’t know.

2 months ago he was going to break up with me but decided not to but didn’t want anything serious. This was a shock to me since he seemed really into it all and was amazing. I actually thought he liked me way more than I liked him but turns out that’s not the case. I feel that the relationship we are in now though isn’t even a relationship and I know he doesn’t want in just to mess around in the bedroom but he never wants to go anywhere and when we plan to he always cancels because “he has to get ready for school or has to pick his sister up”. I just hate how obvious his excuses are because it doesn’t take a full day to put a laptop and lunch into a bag and drive 5 mins down the road to get your sister. This relationship, whilst it got me real close to being happy is also what’s making me even worse and there’s so much I love about him and is but sometimes it’s better to just give up. That being said I am one to ruin past friend relationships because I am too sad so I distance myself and then they don’t ever reach out.

Anyway this is my vent and I would appreciate it if anyone could give me advice on what to do. Any tips on what you do to feel better would be great too xx thanks