I’m going to try and write this without crying. I am 22 years old and I triple major. I want to be a doctor at some point. I want to so much for myself and it seems like those things aren’t in my future. My anxiety causes my to get STD test every three months even though I use condoms and to be honest in a years time I’ve only had sex about 10 times and with the same person. It gives me the urge to want to see a doctor even if it’s just me wanted to ask them some questions. I’ve had a lot of medical issues after nexplanon removal and it went down hill from there. I had unprotected sex for the first time this summer with someone who I do trust. Since then I have gotten two HIV pricks and have gotten my complete blood count done at least five times since June the last time I did was last night when I went to the ER because I felt nauseous and had head aches. I look up stuff on google and diagnose myself. Even after being tested for the things and they come back negative or normal. My anxiety makes me cry a lot. They put me on Zoloft and it made me feel like a zombie. In June I just stopped taking it since then I’ve been nauseous, migraines, dizzy and crying none stop but I don’t think it’s from my body detoxing the medication I’ve been on for 8 months I think it’s my body saying you have an STD. I had groin pain and a lymph node for almost month it hurt for not even a day and stopped but the node was I still here in my head I know it’s HIV but my constant testing says not so. I found out that I have an ovarian cyst at the ER I immodestly said wow I can no longer have kids I allow those things to put me so far into a funk that I will sleep all day and when I’m up I cry. Since stopping my Zoloft I have done nothing but worry and fidget. This is me saying protect your mental health talk to someone. I can’t talk to anyone not my parents because they are in denial. I’m not allowed to feel this way because well I’m the good child to them always doing good in school in multiple organizations, volunteering, etc. I get probably 5 hours of sleep in between studying and everything else and i can’t take it anymore. Yes I’ve thought about ending my life and yes I’ve thought about how I would do it, but I will never do that because I still know I will never do anything to hurt my parents. Please pray for me and if anyone has read this and can understand just a little bit you’re going to get through it.