i have a problem. it started kinda small. i got a job a few months ago at a restaurant part time. my hours range from day to night so i sleep whenever i can get it. here comes my problem though, since i sleep so much i only get up when i absolutely need to get ready and go to work. i don’t take time to eat anymore before work. i used to, but then i just stopped. i usually don’t eat until i get home at like 10-11pm, and even then it’s normally just an avocado or something small like that. i’ve started losing noticeable weight and while the rational side of me says it’s not healthy weight i’m losing, there’s another part of me that needs this. i’ve dealt with weight issues almost whole life, and to use my old doctors words, i’ve “always been much more on the heavier side”. one part of my mind is wanting to keep pushing it while the other tells me this is going to end very badly. i’ve had the past two days off and i bought a pizza for my mom and i after my shift before my *weekend* so i had some of it and i felt so gross and guilty. today i spent time at a friends for a bonfire and i had s’mores and i hated myself for it. i haven’t slept yet and it’s 7am and i just binged on pizza after staring at it for forever telling myself to eat it/not eat it. after i did i burst out into tears because i’m so disgusted in myself. i feel like i’m going to throw up i feel so gross. i know people on here will try to say “just wake up earlier to eat” or something like that but it’s a genuine problem by now that i think that even if i woke up earlier i still wouldn’t be able to convince myself to eat. idk what i’m even expecting as a response honestly. people will probably call me stupid, which i am, or something like that too. i guess i just want some kind of advice on how to persuade myself in those guilty and impulsive moments where i make unhealthy decisions, to want to try to do better and make better decisions concerning this stuff. idk if that even makes sense but oh well.