so I’m at the end of the road , just very defeated very done very finished with everything. I’m exhausted of being the second person in everyone’s life and I’m not exaggerating when I say everyone . My friends all treat me well and enjoy hanging out with me but I always need to initiate contact or plans or am the one that checks up on everyone , same with my partner I am always the one who says things like when can I see you I miss you etc . I am the go to for absolutely everyone but I have no one , no one checks up on me or sees how I’m doing I know because I’ve checked - if I don’t initiate contact the people in my life including my parents can go weeks / months without checking up on me or even giving a small hello - I want a friendship where someone puts me first where someone treats me equally as well as I do them . The past week I have only been able to just sleep through the day barely functioning and I can’t tell you how depressing it is to message the people in your life at 9am and then sleep until 9pm and wake up to no notification no responses - people actively ignoring my messages because when I’m around them they’re constantly staying updated on their phones . It makes me feel like it wouldn’t even really matter if I just disappeared or was gone . I’m not trying to come off as a victim I’m just so tired of fighting to get others to see my worth - why am I not enough for people as is to earn attention and gratitude and care and love . I am so defeated and I just feel like I can’t keep living like this anymore like I don’t have any purpose anyway so what’s the point, I’m tired of crying I’m just so tired and hurt and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore except to just want to disappear from everything forever .