Depression ... the shittiest curse. Drinking G&T to suppress my sorrows of being a mum in January and having that ripped away from you. Who chooses such cruel things. Why can’t I be a mum and you can.

I’m pathetic. Loose weight and your dream will come true they say. What if you are a food addict and have been trying for 10 years ...

10 years of no success! What makes you think that’ll change now.

I want to be a mum.

Well you clearing don’t want it hard enough.

I do .... but food is my drug. The drug that I need everyday to fuel me. The drug that I can never fully get rid of. Why can’t I be addicted to cocaine. At least with that I could give it up call of turkey.

I want to be a mum I really do but sadly I think I’ll never be a mum no more.