Am I a 💩 mom?

Question

I really need help not feeling like a shitty mom. Been going to the hospital almost every night for 7 and a half weeks cuz my baby was premature, and I know we still have a few weeks ahead of us before he comes home. Tonight I really don’t have the energy. I pump every 3 hours and between that and taking care of the other 3 kids, it’s exhausting going out. Tonight I just don’t have it in me to go to the hospital but I feel like shot for not seeing my son. I miss him so much but it’s extremely exhausting making daily trips to the hospital. I called the nicu to check up on him and cried after I hung up. I hate this so much.

Answer

not you're an amazing mom
 you're working hard everyday for that little baby. but a rested clear headed mom is best for you both, take the night hun

Answer

I’ve been where you are when my Son was born prematurely. It’s such a sense of helplessness because you’re his Mom and supposed to be there 24-7. Those were my feelings and I was guilt ridden to the point where I would go 2-3 days without sleeping. Finally, one of the NICU Nurses took me aside and had a “Come to Jesus”, which looking back I definitely needed it. She explained that the reason they are there is so that we as Parent’s can have relief when we need it. At our NICU, the ratio was 1 nurse to 4 babies, and additionally monitored at a remote station by other nurses and attending. She said that I needed those few hours because it’s out of our hands and those little one’s are getting the best possible care out there. She reiterated about how he needed time to still “cook” in the incubator and that his primary job is sleeping and growing. She explained the potential obstacles and issues we would face upon taking him home, and exhausting myself going every 3 hours for feedings was unhealthy for me. I was told that they’re there for us, and will call if anything even remotely small changes and that I needed to get some rest so that I could be healthy and strong for him when he was released. She promised it would give me some clarity and that if I didn’t go and rest I was going to end up in the hospital myself. Our conversation was a lot deeper and it took a LOT of convincing- I’m as stubborn as they come, but she finally convinced me to go home, take my sleeping meds and really sleep and she would personally call me every 6 hours unless something serious changed. I went home, crying and beating myself up, but we ended up sleeping for almost 16 hours straight. My body was truly close to collapsing from all of the emotional strain, needing rest to heal from just having a baby, and feeling like I needed to have a sense of control over it, which I didn’t. It was in God’s hands and when we woke up from that long slumber it finally dawned on me that she was right. I can’t be there 24/7. I can’t make him better. She was right. I still felt twinges of guilt because it’s scary having your baby in a NICU, and your hands are tied. However, it was in his best interest in the long run for me to set a time to go home every night and really sleep and heal so I could be the Mother I was made to be for him when I was there and when he came home.
You are experiencing totally normal emotions, and it would be problematic if you were not. So take a deep breath, know that he’s in the best possible place he needs to be right now and take that time away to recover, rest, and to gain strength for when he comes home. Take all the help you can get while you can get it. Exhale. It’s going to be ok. My Son is now 4 1/2 and just like every other boy out there. And of course he doesn’t remember that period of time so no need to feel like he’s going to have abandonment issues. If you need an ear, or encouragement please feel free to let me know. Talk to the counselors the March of Dimes offers- they’re a great group to get you through this time, and let your OB know how you’re feeling. You are also most likely having some postpartum depression and they can work through that with you. But for now get yourself together and don’t feel bad about this at all. He is loved and being cared for by nurses who truly love each baby they help in the NICU. ❤️🙏🏻

Answer

I just realized that you said you have 3 kids at home. They need normalcy and their Mommy just as much as baby, and probably a bit more because they are at home and aware. It’s a tough spot, but those NICU babies are fighters and you are going to come out on top. Maybe making yourself leave at a certain time in the evening, having dinner and doing hw and family time with the other 3 will ease your guilt and make you a stronger family. Girl, you’ve got this! God’s got this! Just breathe. ❤️🙏🏻

Answer

You are so strong. I can’t imagine having 3 kids and one in the NICU. It’s ok to take a break. It’s better to skip a night and recharge a little than to run yourself into the ground.

Answer

My daughter spent some time in hospital when she was born - she had to have a heart operation. Its tough going, especially when you have other children too!
Her consultant actually told me to go home for the night, to take a shower, spend some time with my children, relax and come back recharged the following day.
You're not a shit mother - what you have been doing the past few weeks alone proves that! Take the time to recharge you. You're no good to your baby if you're physically and mentally exhausted. Call the hospital and let them know - they will understand completely.

Answer

No not at all.  Maybe dad could go in? Or a grandma?

Answer

You’re doing well but you need to be going everyday so you can keep up with his health and needs.
You need to ask for help from your family and friends with the older 3 and make sure you show up when you’re least tired to the hospital

Answer

No no no. You are NOT a shitty mom! You still have to take care of yourself, especially in order to take care of your baby. They’ve got it under control. 🙏🏻 get your rest, do what you need to get done. Hugs!!

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