To get a general idea of my "village" I live with my fiance (textbook narcissist) and my 3 kids with him and my 2 kids from my previous marriage. I have 5 kids the oldest are 11 and 9 and the smallest three are 2, 1 and 1 month old. I have no relationship with my mother, father, grandparents, siblings, aunts or uncles. I have a small family and they all suck. My mom would never reach out to me unless I called her first. I could be dead in a ditch somewhere and no one in my family would ever even know because they didn't even keep in touch when we were on "good terms" (aka before I called them out) I have absolutely no friends. I don't have a single person I can call and vent to. Not a sister, friend, aunt etc NO ONE. My fiance is abusive. He belittles me, calls me names etc he has put hands on me in the past but that was when he was drinking. He quit drinking once he was diagnosed with cancer. Today was one of the worst days of my life. My fiance wanted us to all go out as a family and do something and I didn't have any suggestions because I'm depressed and just don't care. I'm so extremely exhausted with all the housework, the kids etc it's so hard to go out with a bunch of kids. I told him I think I'm depressed and want to talk to my Dr about getting on antidepressants. He started getting very upset (mad upset) and saying how much of an inconvenience this is for him and how it's so hard for him because I'm such a Downer. I told him I understand that and I'm sorry and I'm trying to get help. I told him the only thing keeping me from ending it all is the kids. I couldn't do that to my kids. He started belittling me and things escalated and he told me I should go commit suicide and that everyones lives would be better if I did. He proceeded to leave the house with my 1 & 2 year old and said to me that he doesn't even trust leaving the new baby with me. They came back hours later and he hasn't spoken a word to me since and he's sat in the other room completely acting like I don't exist. No apology, nothing.