Relationship where one person loves sex and the other doesn’t ?

Question

I totally hate sex. I really can’t explain why. Please don’t get me wrong, my husband is the best! Absolutely Best but I just don’t like sex or enjoy the act of it. I always pretend to enjoy it when with my husband but he knows I don’t. I always make excuses when he starts initiating sex. I know this isn’t good. My husband loves sex so much... how can I balance this? Is there anything I can be taking to improve my sex drive!l? I want to please my man
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I have been through the route of therapist. She thinks it’s because I lost my virginity at the age of 16 through rape and I was raped by my uncle too. how do I overcome this hate for sex? No one is really helping me in that aspect. I feel for my husband and him having to endure having sex like once every three months

Answer

This is complicated but not impossible. 
The thing about sex is that once you have negative associations with it then it’s easy to stay in a negative feedback loop about it. The trick is to gain some positive associations with sex, so you can turn that negative feedback loop into a positive one. 
One of the really insidious things about rape (and there are a lot) is that it’s a major betrayal of your personal agency. Your control over your body and your sexual experience is lost. 
I don’t think it helps you that you force yourself to have sex when you don’t want to. I get that you do it for your husband, but what you’re also doing is telling yourself that your experience, your desire or lack there of, doesn’t matter. Sex is something you have to do. Do you see how that’s problematic? Do you see how that reinforces really negative associations with sex generally?
You have to get to a place where sex is your idea, where it’s something that you desire because you want it, not because someone else does.
It’s not easy. It’s a process that’s going to take lots of communication and understanding between you and your husband. I say that because part of doing that is to stop having sex or engaging in sexual activities when you don’t want to or when you’re doing it because you feel like you have to. So that might mean you and he wont engage like that for awhile. Then you build back into it. You hold hands. You kiss. You touch each other’s bodies and so on and so forth. You do it all based on your wants and desires, not his. You do it like this over time, so that you regain a sense of self control over your sexual experiences. When sex feels like something you want, then it truly feels sexy. 
You should definitely read Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are. There’s lot of good information for you and your husband there. Read it together.

Answer

Maybe if you try foreplay type touching with the agreement that it's not going anywhere? Like slowly building up, hopefully breaking down these mental barriers? If you try to force it for his sake it will get worse and worse. Tell him what's off limits, talk through why you're struggling with it and what kind of touching is most triggering. I'm far from a therapist and maybe this doesn't make sense or is all wrong, but I deal with a similar thing with my husband. At it's worst he can barely touch me. I tell him to slow down like crazy, he can't make any sudden movements or it's almost like my brain forgets it's him and that I trust him. Talk to him! If he will listen, really talk him through it. It will be hard for him to understand at all unless you tell him. I hope he reacts with love.  ♥️

Answer

Try therapy but he may get tired of that after a while.

Answer

I agree with the first comment! You can also specifically see a sex therapist to help you if you like that. Also you can ask you doctor

Answer

Have you spoken to a therapist to find out why you hate sex? Maybe there’s an underlying issue you never even thought of. Or you can speak to your doctor.

Answer

I have had this problem in the past and I realized that it really does come from being sexually abused as a child. It’s like a way for you to feel as though you have control over your own sexuality because you didn’t at one point in time. So now, you kind of have to remember that you’re a consenting adult and if you want to have sex, you can and it’s OK to feel pleasure from it. Also, if you don’t want to have sex, that’s OK too. Don’t have sex when you don’t want to because that’s just reinforcing the idea that you don’t have control over your sexuality. You may also be dealing with PTSD which can cause you to find the acts themselves unpleasant. You need to find a therapist who can help you work with PTSD. Additionally, having a low sex drive can also be hormonal. So if you are having hormonal issues and also PTSD, it’s normal to feel this way considering those things. Ask your husband to be patient with you while you figure these things out and reassure him that you love him and find him attractive and that you’re doing your best to try to resolve this issue within yourself.

Relationship where one person loves sex and the other doesn’t ?

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