Is my fiancé better off without me?

Question

My fiancé’s family is causing HUGE issues between us without even knowing it.
I hate them.  They probably hate me.  I can’t speak for their reasons but I can speak for mine.
We’ve been together for 8 years since high school.  We have a 10 month old daughter.  I’ve always sort of overlooked issues but have always been in my mind, but since becoming pregnant and having my daughter it’s affected my mental health a great deal.
My fiancé’s dad is a pervert, period.  I’m not sharing details because ive made other posts - if you’re interested have a look.  He’s been inappropriate with me and is inappropriate with most women that have the misfortune of encountering him. 
He doesn’t make a secret out of it either.  His mother just laughs it off.  “Oh he’s just having fun” “thats just how he is” and will giggle about it. 
Call me crazy but it gives me nightmares the thought of my daughter having anything to do with them.  The way my fil behaves Is a huge part of my fil’s personality.       
We lived next door to them for over a year.  We’ve finally bought a house so thank god.  But I couldnt really stir any drama when we’re live on their land.  
My fiancé works with them in a family business full time.  So if any issues like this came up, it would be hell for him.  
I tell my fiancé how I feel on a daily basis.  His mother is always talking about how she could have my daughter at her house.  I’ve never let this happen and we’ve always just made dumb excuses.  
But how long can I keep making damn excuses?  
I want to cut them off.  But it’s not that simple.  
I’m extremely resentful of my fiancé that I have to deal with this.  I know thats not fair to him because it’s not his fault, but at the same time if I werent with him I wouldn’t be dealing with this. 
I realise I’m putting him in an impossible situation.  And if I were in his shoes I’d probably hate me.  
I also can’t see me ever wanting to go through with a wedding because I literally can’t stand to breathe the same air as them.  
If I were to cut them off out of my daughter and I’s life , he would grow to resent me for making his job every day a misery.  
I could just shut my mouth and get on with it but I just can’t .
Fiancé told me if these “accusations” were ever made he genuinely believes his father would kill himself.  His mother had cancer a few years ago and she recovered, and fiance said he thinks the stress would send her to an early grave.  So I have that guilt on me too.
I love my fiancé, he’s a wonderful partner and father.  But would he better off if I stopped the ultimatums and just left him?

Answer

He needs to change jobs,  and stop making excuses... just tell them you're not comfortable having the baby over there without you 🤷🏼‍♀️ my daughter is gonna be 2, and doesnt sleep over anywhere but with me.  I don't need to make an excuse,  its my job to protect her.

Answer

I think you both are better off without his parents. Like someone else said, if you leave him, he will get at least partial custody and then he can let whomever he wants see yalls kid, his pervert father included. Also, I think you need to stop with beat around the Bush excuses and tell your mother in law EXACTLY why your daughter will never be around them alone. Tell her that her husband is a pervert and possibly a pedophile and hell will freeze over before you put your child in a dangerous position.  He ain't gunna kill himself, that's just a scare tactic and a weak excuse for not taking responsibility for his actions

Answer

Your fiancé isn’t better off without you, but you’re all better off without those parents.  I can see why you’re stressed, I felt stressed for you just reading this.  I feel like really the only thing that’s going to keep you guys together and cut out if family completely, would be him giving up his job.  Obviously that’s easier said than done.  Would his parents also be sent to an early grave if he left the job? Even if there’s the smallest bit of wiggle room there I would start trying to open up that idea more.  Sorry you’re going through this!  I hope something works out.

Answer

I think if his family is causing a huge strain on your relationship, making you miserable, and you don’t see it ever getting better than maybe you are both better off going your separate ways. 
It sounds like you feel so strongly for valid reasons. If I had a pervert in my family I would never, ever want my daughter to be around him. 
I wouldn’t shut my mouth out of fear that it might hurt your father in law. His issues are not your burden to bear and you shouldn’t feel guilty for speaking up if he is doing something wrong. 
This situation sounds difficult because I wouldn’t want to give up on a relationship because of family, but at the end of the day you deserve to be happy and your daughter deserves to be in a positive, calm and safe environment.

Answer

You might want to seek answers from a professional. Either a counselor or lawyer. I only say that because if you do leave him you will have to sort out custody. If there’s nothing legally stopping him from letting your daughter see her grandparents then it’s likely she’ll spend most of her time with them while in her fathers custody. I don’t want that to scare you off from leaving if that’s what you feel is best. 
That said, I would ask the fiancée to leave his job. Have scheduled time with his family so you can minimize the opportunities that they ask for your daughter. Explain to his parents that even if it’s acceptable for the dad to be a pervert in his own household that it is not acceptable in your or your daughters presence. Personally, I’m not comfortable around those types of people either. I was not raised around that type of personality and stay away from it. Also, I don’t like the guilt he’s pushing on you. Look into that. Is that being pushed onto him or is he saying that to ice over everything? The answer to that might help decide if you should leave or not. Good luck. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Answer

I’m not particularly concerned with your fiancées happiness. I am concerned with the safety and well-being of your child. 
I would tell him it’s either time to start looking for a new job, and cut them out of you life, and the child’s life, or that’s it. I don’t care for ultimatums, but if it’s a matter of not being sexually harassed and protecting your child, you do what you have to.

Answer

No. He's better off without a creeper around his kid.

Answer

Honestly, with what you’ve said here (and I think I’ve read your previous posts) I think your feelings and anxieties around his family are 100% understandable. 
I wouldn’t want to be around a man like that, let alone allowing my future child around a man like that. Worrying about your child being in the company of a pervert is completely normal and sane. 
If I were you, I’d have wanted my fiancé to share my feelings. I’d want him to move jobs, and honestly I’d want to cut contact with his family (myself and future child at a minimum). 
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you. I hope everything works out for you

Answer

You are working on setting boundaries with that family but be upfront with you fiancé. My mom moved my family away from my extended family because of similar reasons and someone no females in the family will talk about just hint at. It’s worth the boundaries!! The world can already be pretty crummy. I say be upfront and do what you feel comfortable with. I also work with family and it is HARD but you and your little girl should now be his priority.

Answer

The way that man handles the consequences of being a pervert is not your problem. Your daughters safety and well being are your problem. My step grandfather is a pervert/peeping tom/pedophile, and I cut him and my grandmother off, as painful as it was, because it’s just not safe. I understand the awkwardness this will bring up for your husband...but he needs to be on your side here. Maybe a family meeting is in order? Lay all the cards on the table. Tell him and his wife that he makes you uncomfortable, and why. See what you can all do to make changes. If that doesn’t work-you’ve still got to do what you have to do. I really hope your husband will be on your side here.

Is my fiancé better off without me?

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