I'm mad. I'm mad that we have to do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. That I wont get a surprise of not knowing... I'm mad that our baby will be conceived in a lab and we'll know exactly when and where it happened. And that I have to pay thousands of dollars to have a baby and other people can do it on their first try, or in a few short month and have no idea how lucky they are. I'm mad that people have accidents and I can't have a baby on purpose. I'm mad that I have to deal with this pain and heartache. That when people tell me their pregnant I have to be happy, but it's so hard because I'm so insanely jealous and sad that it's not me. AGAIN. I'm mad that my husband feels like I'd be better off if he died and I could "move on and have a baby with someone else"(his words, not mine). That my parents haven't gotten to be surprised and joyful that their going to be grandparents yet. And though I'd never wish this pain on anyone else, I'm mad that people don't get it.

I know I should just be grateful that there are options out there for us... and I am... don't get me wrong.

But I'm also really mad.