After two months of dating I was ready to propose to him even though I’ve always been against marriage (for myself that is). Was about to give up (I’m 36) but there he finally was! The one!

Distance relationship is tough, never succeded for me before. Him recently getting out of a long bad relationship wasn’t the best start, but I saw through him and the facade he was trying to told up. And I saw the best of him that was there, hidden behind that broken facade that I saw through. So I gave him time. And I lifted him up. I was there for him. He got better. It was tough, it took time, I supported him all along the way. Once past the worse bits, he recovered well and got better fast! It’s been almost a year now and now he’s past the damages from his previous relationship, now he’s being himself again and doing things that gives him energy angain, now he’s being his true self again and he’s shining! He’s wonderful!

Sad thing is. I don’t feel he’s there for me when I’m feeling down. He can’t handle that. He’s focusing on himself. Which is the right thing to do, but I’m feeling mighty stoopid for having put my energy into him, hoping, trusting that he’d see and appreciate me for that once past his rough bits. I scratch your back - you scratch mine. My bad. Because now he’s clearheaded and wise enough to know that each and every one have to take care of their own shit. Which is true, I have to find ways to work out my own rough bits. But man - it does suck to feel like such a looser.. Am I crazy for feeling sad about this or am I dodging a bullet if I ditch him for not being supportive in return?

Now I’m afraid we’re in a crossroad. I’m not sure which path he’d like to go. He doesn’t seem to know either, and that should be warning clear enough for me.

Still, I’m hoping, wishing.. Writing this I understand how stupid and desparate I sound 😔

Just had to get this off my chest.

Any advice would be appreciated. But please, keep a nice tone, I’m beating myself up enough already for this.