Today my 20 month old son was diagnosed with level 2 autism. After lots of screenings, questionnaires and interactions they were able to give him the diagnosis.

My heart immediately shattered and my mind began racing. Will he never play football or soccer? Will he be able to socialize and make friends in school? Will he ever find love, get married and have children of his own? Will he be able to live a, dare I say, "normal" life?

I feel completely broken, empty, angry, terrified and sad. I don't want him to struggle to do every day tasks or to make friends.

My heart broke even more when the specialist told me that this baby I'm currently expecting could also more than likely have autism also. Learning to become a special needs mom is terrifying even more so when his dad refuses to accept the diagnosis.

I need some support, some kind words, anything. And yet I feel so guilty for even feeling so distraught and broken hearted. He will forever be my handsome, happy baby boy. I just want the best for him and it's going to be so hard watching him struggle. 😞💔