Gosh there’s so much I am trying to keep it short.

I’m a single mom to a beautiful 2.5 y/o little boy, he is my whole world and his dad has never and will never be involved as he had raped me and is not a safe person..I also moved back home across the country from him. So while that was hard it was also easier in some ways because I never had to deal with compromising my standards or anything through coparenting.

I’m currently pregnant with a guy I had only dated for nearly 4 months, I was on birth control and broke up with him as soon as the red flags popped up but found out I had gotten pregnant a week after breaking up with him. He’s had plenty of opportunity to be involved and show he cares and has literally done nothing. At 16 weeks was threatening court and his “rights” at 20 weeks was saying he was going to have 50:50 no matter what. There has just been a lot of hostility. I decided to meet with him before baby is born to get a 6 month plan together and avoid court for the moment. I figure it’s an opportunity for him to show stepping up or not therefore more evidence in court if needed, and I get a bit more of a hands on approach. Praying for heart change in him, but also not banking on it at all..

Now I’m just overwhelmed with the multitude of things I have to figure out like specifics of visits, birth, finances etc. he’s not welcome at my parents property which we rent their detached apartment which means that visits would have to be at his moms which is 45min to 1hr away. Im not entirely opposed to her facilitating visits especially since my 2.5y/o would love the things we will be able to do around her house while he is having a visit, but that amount of driving 3-5 times a week with a newborn just is going to be really hard on us. I don’t want dad at the hospital as he has been completely disrespectful and entitled and just has zero concept of boundaries and it’s a really vulnerable time for me so extra stress is not healthy or in the best interest of the baby. But then I won’t be able to start doing visits until I’m cleared at 6 weeks. I just don’t know what to do and most people don’t even have a plan at this point and it’s overwhelming to get a plan together for the first 6 months of a baby’s life you have no idea how they’re going to be yet and schedules are not something I had to worry about with my first and don’t think any infant should have to be on a super strict schedule. I’ve considered having my dad accompany us on park visits during those first 6 weeks so my son can play and the dad can feel like he is getting time to bond with his son And it’s doable but not easy if that makes sense. I can’t cater to this guy because he’s a leech and will take every inch and then some. I’m WAY too forgiving and giving and things like preparing for the baby I’ve taken on as my own responsibility and he’s not done anything and I’m thinking to propose specifics of what I need for the baby before he’s born to give the dad an opportunity to provide or to not and it would be extra paper trail of how he has not provided or helped at all. I don’t know just overwhelmed.. this guys got a drinking problem, a respect issue, hasn’t worked in nearly a year (was on unemployment when he drunkenly broke his arm and now is on disability) it’s just so effed and so hard to wrap my mind around bending over backwards for this asshole who’s done nothing to deserve it or prove he’s willing and able to step up at the very least. He’s only ever been interested in his rights not the baby or how the baby is.. it’s just hard. And the meeting is Wednesday now.

I’m 33+2 so the due date is approaching quickly...

ETA, courts are brutal and with a newborn and being postpartum and having a toddler also I don’t want to put myself in a position I know will be bad for me and baby.