Luckily it was a bridal shower not baby. If I had said yes to a baby shower months ago and had gotten pregnant then lost the baby at 8 weeks like I did before the shower 2 weeks ago, I would not have been able to do it. I would've offered up my house still and paid for everything and been so happy for my friend, but I would've had to leave when it started. That makes me feel like a bad person. Luckily this was bridal but still, with my recent loss, my heart wasn't in it. It felt like a whirlwind and now I'm in the bathtub thinking...did it even happen today?? Like did I host it and I was there?? Like I wasn't present for it. Like a disassociation disorder thing? This was for my friend who is even older than I am and has been struggling in her own TTC journey. I pray to God we can both be at a joint baby shower for both of us held in 2020. A baby for us each that we ACTUALLY GET TO KEEP THIS TIME.