If you find yourself reading this you don’t have to. I’m just super sad and I’d probably be asleep if my lights were out, but I don’t feel like getting up yet so here I am.

This may be triggering to some and if it is I’m sorry. I hate to be typing any of this, but I feel that i need some place to type my feelings and distract me and potentially have positive uplifting comments around me.

So abortion. I never really thought about it. Ever. Until I got pregnant. Since I didn’t have a thought about it and i also didnt think I would get pregnant, but I did and I also had one. Anyone who knows me knows I love my boyfriend. I always try to be a good girlfriend and just be good in general, and now at this point I can I mean technically kinda say I have done everything for him. I did it. He very much pressured me about it, I’m not sure if I regret it. I mean I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but with the right person. I want a house. I want all this stuff and everything perfect ya know? I want that with him but we are young. In our early 20s. I feel like I do regret doing it. I feel empty. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I did it three weeks ago. I’m still bleeding, a good amount, I dont feel much like doing anything. I’ve done a lot more this week though. My boyfriend and I haven’t talked much this week. It was weird. We talked and then didn’t talk and then started talking again and now we aren’t talking. At first we were fine until I asked him to call me after he got off work which he did not, then proceeded to drive a hour away at like 11 at night to a different town and he stayed there until about 9am and went to Chick-fil-A and then the clinic. So we are probably thinking the same thing yeah? Anyways so I was obviously upset because he hadn’t answered when I called and especially more so with the information above but I didn’t bring that up to him. Anyways so he just wanted to “text me” and I was like I don’t want to text you until you call me and eventually he called me and we talked for about 24 hours and then we were on the phone again and I was like you’re so talkative and then he hung up on me and I called back because I thought it was an accident or something and he said “stop yo chill 😭” and I mean I think I called him a few times after that but I’m not sure. Eventually i was just like he will talk to me when he wants to. Today he snap chatted me so I said hi and he didn’t respond and then texted me and said “I feel indifferent” “about us rn”. I don’t get it. I really don’t.

Part of me in my head is like this has something to do with the abortion but maybe also I feel that maybe when he wasn’t answering the phone.... Obviously he feels bad and he doesn’t want to lie to me but doesn’t know how to say the truth so he just wants to not talk?

Idk I didn’t respond anyhow. I have no idea what to say about or to that. I just feel emotionally drained and so just sad. I know this feeling will not last forever though. I just want us to be okay and everything is extra hard right now.

Thanks for reading if you read that far. That’s been bothering me a lot lately. Now I’m off to cry myself to sleep lol