I’ve been trying so hard to make friends. I have one legit friend, but she moved to another state last year to live with her boyfriend while he’s in college and only see her during summer. The only person I hang out with regularly is my boyfriend. He has friends that all have girlfriends but we don’t really hangout outside of doing couple stuff because I hardly ever get along with other girls. I’ve been trying to make guy friends, but with it’s SO hard for me to not be absolutely terrified whenever I’m around a guy I don’t know. Like it’s so bad, when I work shifts with my male boss I straight up don’t talk unless totally necessary.

Whenever I find a guy to try and make friends with, most of the time they assume we’re going to date or hookup so it never gets past a few texts. There’s one guy I’ve managed to hang out with multiple times, but we mostly just watch movies together so I don’t have to talk. And lately, he’s been weird over text, almost like he’s flirting? We’ve hung out like 5 times and he randomly stopped talking to me for like a month; when he started talking to me again, he started being kinda flirty.

I’m still scared when I’m with him and, while I have improved a lot, it’s still nearly impossible for us to have a conversation; nevertheless, he’s been crazy patient with me and is always the one to ask me to hang out. He keeps asking me if I want to go out to a bar with him or have a drink with him at his house and I’ve used every excuse possible because I’d rather not drink around someone I don’t fully trust to be safe. And I dunno, I just can’t shake the feeling that something bad is gonna happen eventually. It’s so hard to trust my gut with stuff like this😩