Abortion

I’m only 17 and getting an abortion my mom can never know our relationship is so toxic right now i feel so alone through it all I’m so upset that I’m actually pregnant I thought it would never happen to me but it did I’m so disappointed in myself for this happening but I can’t raise a baby I’m still a kid myself I just wish everything was normal again 😖 but I fucked up and have to live with this secret forever even though I know it’s the right choice idk how to cope with having one what should I expect? What do I even do with miscarriage would it be rude to flush it since I’m only 4 weeks it’s so hard to understand 😩 I already have depression and I just hate myself for letting it get like this 😭 idk I feel like I’m never gonna be the same and enjoy life do I even deserve too 😞