So my mom and I have a very tense relationship already.

Little back story: She moved to florida in 2012 and im still up north. My father(her ex, he lived by me) died suddenly in 2015, and my younger sister died in a car accident (she lived with my mom) 364 days after my dad.

She's super excited about the baby and already sent a box of stuff up. Shes a heavy smoker and smokes in her house. Some of the nonwashable items stink like smoke so im going to throw them away.

I smoked before i got pregnant and grew up in a house where both parents smoked indoors.

How can i tell my mom to be mindful of what she buys/sends so i dont have to trash it?

I'm afraid she'll buy things from my registry and drive them up for the shower instead of mailing them here. In this case the items will sit in her house and smell like smoke.

(She'll want credit for ALL THE STUFF she's paid for at one time.)

I sound like a c*nt, but if i tell her, even in a respective way, she'll cry and ignore me for a while like she did when i first found out i was pregnant. She will play the victim like she always does.

(After 2 MCs i was adamant about not telling anyone. I was more than upset when she told my florida family before we told anyone and she ignored me for about 5 weeks)

She is toxic. I've tried to have a better relationship with her, but it's like talking to a brick wall.