I suffer from bad anxiety. I take meds and cbd oil to help cope but my anxiety still seeps thru. I cant handle confrontation, I freeze.

I heard my co workers, that I thought were my friends, were talking shit and making up shit about my husband who used to work with us. I dont have the courage to confront them.

My best friend who works in the office of where i work, told me all of this and when I felt hurt she could not understand why I felt that way. We texted back and forth and she threw some of my husbands past infractions(things that happened 8 yrs ago) in my face. Things he has apologized for and has learned from.

A little back story, my husband has an anger problem. I think he has BPD. Borderline personality disorder. His anger has gotten way better but it still come out now and again.

As I said earlier he used to work with us. We were both formans at a landscape company. Over 9 years he used to freak out on certain people, even me from time to time. It used to happen a couple of times a year. The past few years, it has happened maybe once a year. So he was learning how to control it.

My "friend" (who also has an anger problem and sometimes can be very petty)basically said I was being silly and said my husband will never change because people dont change and told me I am in an abusive relationship.

We havent spoken in 2 weeks, other than work related stuff

All of this right after my sister took, what was supposed to be a fun time planning our parents 50th anniversary surprise party, and just took over and basically did what she wanted to do. She made all the decisions...never thought to ask any of her siblings what they wanted. I had tried for MONTHS to get them to help me with planning ideas. NOBODY would respond to me so I started getting decorations myself. Then all of a sudden shes got the invites done (I guess what i was in the process of doing can go to the garbage)

Thens shes taking care of the rsvps, the decorations, the pictures, the slidshow...everything. And on top of that she tells me, SHE wants the grandkids to do something at the event...that was the very thing I HAD TOLD HER 2 MONTHS BEFORE...

But she cant understand WHY i am pissed and hurt

I spent over $150 on decorations for my parents...but most of it never got used...

IS IT ME?!?! Why does it seem like nobody understands why I am so hurt.

I was really looking forward to helping plan my parents 50th anniversary to help get my mind off of some news I had gotten about one of my fallopian tubes needing to be removed after 3 miscarriages and years of trying to conceive, heart break after heart break.

I have always been there for people in their times of need and when I need someone...

I have 0,zero, self esteem and people dont get why. I want to know how to find a friend that will be there for me...but at the same time I feel worthless, like why would they want to be friend with me. Im not fun, i cant small talk, I am awkward...so i get it...but it still hurts

Anyways sorry for the long post. Thank you to anyone if you read to the end