Why the fuck can’t I get it together ?

It’s been weeks and I still feel so unmotivated and so like not passionate about my job... I keep trying new church classes looking for different schools and nothing ...

It’s almost like I feel blinded..

Like I don’t know my goals...

I can’t see my vision anymore..

Like what is going to be the one thing that makes me be like what is going to be the big “life changing” thing that’s going to happen and make me want better and want more!

Like what the fuck is gunna be the moves I make to get myself out this toxic ass situation?

Like I don’t mind taking action and accountability but like I just don’t know what the fuck to do or what I want to do or idk

Like seriously wtff

I feel like such a bum ass bitch...

I look at pussy all day at work for minimum wage..

I drive over a hour to barely ever make it back home ...

I’m ready to give up therapy

Go back to drinking

Partying and just bad habits ...

But I know and feel in my heart I still want soooo much more for myself but what vee what!!

I’m so tired already...

I just want to further my career

Make $$$ to move out

Etc..

I just to be more in touch with the universe and god and I’m practicing cleansing my life ... working my ass off for hours saving every penny recycling etc ..

But everything seems so out of reach and out of touch..

I’m so tired ...