Hi guys, I’m writing this but I’m not really sure why because I feel like the ultimate answer is so easy yet I still don’t know what to do.

I feel like recent events have all piled up and effected me tremendously and I can’t cope. I got my A level results today which I’m overall happy with and I was meant to carry out my gap year with a friend. This friend not even directly letting me know applies through clearing today and gets a spot in uni which now leaves me really vulnerable and alone as although I am so happy for her, me and her has made major plans together in our gap year. I tried to talk to her about it but she never understands her errors so I’m literally getting nowhere. I’m now really unsure on what the hell im doing as all my friends are going to uni and I’m not so I feel like I’m wasting a year of my life when all my other friends are gonna move on and get a new life with new friends and start working towards their goals when I have no chance but to do nothing for a whole year as I don’t want to travel by myself.

On top of this, I am having major boy issues which I know may sound like an over exaggeration to most people- it has really sent me over the edge. I’ve been struggling with this problem on and off for thee past couple months but have been in denial as I have chosen to give the guy the benefit of the doubt although being let down multiple times. This time however I am in so deep as I’ve been speaking to him for 7 months and after a while I got attached whereas I’m not sure the same went for him. He goes on and off with me giving me mixed signals all the time and has told me multiple times he doesn’t want a relationship which I’ve now just grown to understand and accept. I know this is my fault as I am completely letting myself get mugged off seeing that he is constantly online through Snapchat maps and not replying to me as for example right now as he has not opened a Snapchat from me from 7pm this evening and it’s now 3am and he’s still active.

I feel completely alone as I have no siblings and although I have one great friend to help me there’s not much she can do and with strict foreign parents confiding in my mum is also not really an option. Someone that has gone through something similar or generally got the same feelings occur please let me know how you dealt with this as I feel extremely alone and confused and just overall shit. It’s currently 3am and I’m awake due to a panic attack I just had and I’m not sure how to escape or deal with my feelings as I am generally unhappy and can’t do anything but think about it all day everyday as I now have no school and a recently new job in which I’m really unhappy in.

I know that this is really long but anyone that has gone through a similar situation- do you have any tips on how to deal with accepting the new changes and all the negative thoughts that come along with it such as thinking that I’m going to lose all my friends and that they’re all moving on to live their best lives without me whilst I’m stuck, struggling and behind from everyone else? Help