No words can even describe how I feel..

We have been trying for almost 2 years for a baby; tests, surgery, medications and it all felt pointless. Until we finally got a positive on August 4th. 8am ugly crying in our bathroom holding each other because we finally were going to have a family. All our trying and prayers were finally being answered. Our plans for our life were finally going to happen. Cloud 9 all week.

Then Sunday the 11th happened. No pain, no cramping just bleeding an ER visit and a blood draw to confirm that our baby was gone. Our dreams and plans that had taken almost 2 years to get close to were taken in an hour.

Everyone in our family and close friends that knew what we had been through to get here and now what we are processing have been wonderful. But how do you stay positive? People say things that they think is comforting but it feels like daggers.

My husband has been great, even being away on work, in supporting me in my breakdowns and moments of anger. He is more positive than I that we will have a child. He is ready to try again whenever I am ready.

How do I find that positivity? Why am I ready to give up on our dreams of a family and never try again?

I have no answers for either of these questions. But today I’m going to be positive about the sun being out and it not raining. Maybe it’s finding positivity in things that are seemingly so small to anyone who isn’t going through something that has shattered their world.