Six months ago the most traumatic night of my life occurred. I physically can’t bring myself to go into detail because it’s too painful- and despite having a wonderful counsellor I’m still struggling to put it into words. Simply put I was (Trigger warning) raped.

The trauma I experienced has changed my entire life. Despite being an anxious person previously my life is now consumed by anxiety. As a result I have had dramatic hair loss, my immune system is weak and I look as damaged as I feel. I know this seems superficial- but it feels unfair that dealing with awful hair loss and physical impact is a painful addition to awful anxiety, flash backs, mood swings and an overall sense of helplessness.

I’m not entirely sure why I have come to this forum. Sometimes it feels easier to speak about these things to people I don’t know personally. I keep trying to tell myself that perhaps in a year from now the counselling (which is a gruelling process) will have paid off and I will be back to normal. I keep telling myself my hair will grow back. I keep trying to tell myself that one day I’ll be able to go on a night out without having a panic attack. Or even just for drinks with friends.

I am trying hard. I’m going to yoga. I’m eating nourishing foods. I’m going to counselling. But I don’t feel like I’m progressing. I just feel like I’m moving around in the dark.

I assume in this space many women have been through the same thing- do any of you have any advice? Any kind words- or any reassurance that one day I will be okay?

All my love