So, here's my story. Trigger warning: involves sexual trauma.

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So, when I was younger from the age of 8 to 17/18 i was raped and molested by my stepfather when my mother was away. I had always been a reserved girl for that time, my mental is so fked that I cant remember my childhood from blocking it all out. After I turned 19 I was sexing it up all over the place, idk why but I was and I was "having fun" if you'd call it; still the point is, is that I was fine having sex whenever and it didnt bother me. Until recently, I just had sex for the first time in several months, like 4 lol. I was fine, IT WAS CONSENTUAL sex and I'm friends with the guy, mind you he doesnt know about my childhood. But while we were having sex it was fine and then all of a sudden I just felt like I was in a bad situation I got scared and froze, by then he was already done so i was able to get up RIGHT AFTER i started freaking out internally. I didnt tell him because I didnt want him to feel like he did something wrong and I just cant get that out of my mind. How can I be so sexually active for so long with no problem and then just suddenly one day, get scared and freeze. In that moment all I saw and remember were those bad times.