When you don’t see the value in your marriage

My husband and I have been together for 3.5 years. We were engaged when my daughter was born in October, and instead of having a big wedding (we had already decided we wanted to put our time and money into building a family before planning a wedding), we got married in the courthouse in December (cause why not go ahead and get the tax benefits even if we’re putting off the actual wedding for a couple years.

Our relationship had a rocky beginning. To be honest, I thought about ending it many many times, as he wasn’t really a caring, attentive boyfriend, but I was smitten. We fell in love, and things got really wonderful for awhile. We got pregnant. Moved across the country. Bought a house. And had our daughter. I’m now home with her most of the time, only working 3 shifts bartending each week.

I have reached the point where I see my husband and our marriage adding no enrichment or value to my everyday life, other than the financial support.

He doesn’t help me with the housework. He watches our daughter when I’m at work, but huffs and puffs if I ask for his help with her while I’m home. When I try to have conversations with him, be they meaningful, arguments, trivial, he plays on his phone the entire time, or just tunes me out and has no idea what I’ve said to him just moments after I’ve said it. I’ve told him I’m lonely at home all day and need some mental stimulation from him. He is only concerned about the fact that we are not having sex. I have no sex drive whatsoever. Just don’t wanna do it. I’d rather sleep. Or clean up from the day. Or just enjoy a few moments not being manhandle by an infant.

I enjoy my time alone at the house taking care of our daughter more than I do the few hours each evening that my husband is home with us. I feel confident that I would be fully capable of raising our daughter and living every day life without him. Except for the fact that I am completely isolated on the other side of the country from all friends and family, and am currently financially dependent on him.

I just don’t even know what to do. I can’t just keep living each day seeing no value in my marriage. How do I begin to change that? How do I know if it can’t be changed? I feel horrible that I feel this way. But I don’t know how to address it.