This is going to be a longgg post. So please read till the end...

***names have been changed***

So when I had my first son I got pregnant at 17 had him at 18. Of course my parents were so disappointed in me and stopped talking to me until I was about 5 months. Then they started warming up to the idea that they were going to be grandparents. After my parents found out it was going to be a boy, they were over the moon!! (They only have 2 girls but always wanted a boy).

Fast forward some years I start dating this guy blah blah blah and we got married 2 years ago. We got pregnant with twins but it was an ectopic pregnancy and one of my Fallopian tubes ruptured so I had to have surgery. I hadn’t told my parents yet because we were waiting till we had our first appointment to surprise them, and that’s when we found out and we ended up telling them. Definitely not the surprise we wanted to give em 😭😭

A couple months after the surgery my mom keeps asking/mentioning babies to a really good family friend (at ALL our gatherings). Asking and saying “when are you going to try for the girl” “when are you going to have another” and just showing so much interest for Stacy to get pregnant!! Every time Stacy would say she was craving something or that she was tired or that she felt sick my mom would jump all over it saying “oh it’s the baby” “oh your pregnant” “it’s the niña(little girl)” and just stupid ass remarks like that.

While with me she wouldn’t even ask me anything or care that I had lost my babies!! To her it’s as if they never existed!!! So of course it hurt a lot everytime she would say/ask stupid shit to Stacy. And I started to resent my mother and feel anger towards her till I couldn’t hold it in anymore!!! I eventually confronted her about it and all she had to say for herself was “well you never said you had started trying again”

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU IF YOU DIDNT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE MY BABIES!!!!!!!!! So for a while she stopped showing as much interest in Stacy and her pregnancy. Yes she ended up getting pregnant(she’s 8 months right now). But that interest has started up again and I can’t help but feel angry/envious towards Stacy. And I know it’s not her fault AT ALL, it’s my moms fault that I have these feelings towards her...... Why can’t my own mother show that interest in my life?? Why can’t she show me that same support that she shows Stacy??? I can’t comprehend it at all I can’t seem to wrap my head around it!!! So this past weekend was my moms birthday and we had a dinner for her. One of my moms sister in laws was talking to me about babies and I told her we have been TTC for 9 months now and still nothing and my mom butts in our conversation saying “that’s an obsession now huh Anna??.”

EXCUSE ME??!!! An obsession??!!! How the fuck is it an obsession that I want to have another baby??? It’s not like I have put my life on hold and that’s what I do 24/7!!! Just because I’m tracking how many months we’ve been trying doesn’t mean I’m obsessed!!! I just can’t with my mom anymore!!!! I don’t go visit her as much as I used to, I don’t call her as much as I used her. I basically only see her when I go pick up my son after work (she picks him up after school) then I go straight home or make up excuses for why I have to go home..... and my dad accuses me of “using” my mom and that I only call or visit when I need something which is not the case at all I just choose not to if she’s going to make stupid remarks.

I just don’t know what to do anymore...

If you read till the end thank you for reading my rant I just couldn’t anymore I needed to get it off my chest!!!