I’m really starting to question my sexuality. I know I’m straight because I only like guys. The thing is for most of my life when I would have a “boyfriend” in middle school I’d like having the boyfriend but never want to cuddle, hold hands, hug and kiss.
Pretty much nothing physical. I thought it was normal though because i was still young and clearly wasn’t comfortable with it. As I got older I began getting more frustrated with myself. When I didn’t have a boyfriend I’d imagine holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out and what not. It didn’t seem so horrible and I really wanted my first kiss.
Of course I’d then get a boyfriend and immediately want out of and the idea of doing anything like that with them made me cringe.
The first time I was anything near “physical” with a guy was when I slow danced with my 8th grade boyfriend. It was super cringey. Even though I thought he was really cute I don’t know why I was uncomfortable dancing.
That’s how it’s always been. I’ve thought the guy was super cute but the second we touch its like “ughhh get me out of here”. I had my first kiss the first month of sophomore year. The guy I was dating was really hot but I didn’t know him veryyyy well. If he had a good personality he would have been perfect.
We kissed at a dance and it was absolutely horrible. It makes me die inside thinking about it. I had waited and begged and dreamed of my first kiss. I wanted it to happen so bad but when it finally did... god it was just plain bad. Even if he was a good kisser “which he wasnt he used wayyyyyyy to much tongue 🤢) I still don’t think I would have enjoyed it. Even if he had a good personality and was an all around good guy I still would have cringed.
So I thought maybe I was a sexual. The thing is I still can imagine scenarios with guys and get turned on but i don’t think I would enjoy it if it was real. I also think maybe I’m Demisexual but I won’t know until I experience sexual attraction with a real life dude. I’m still only a junior in high school so plenty of time to wait I guess... :/
Can anyone tell me what it would make me if I am attracted to guys but don’t want sex or kissing? (I know some will tell me it’s because I’m young but I genuinely don’t feel like Age is going to change this)
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read and or comment