What am I?

Ok so I was born female. I hate it I hated barbies as a child I played with my brothers hot weals. As an adult I hate high heels and dresses and makeup. As a teen I was confused and hated my body. I still hate my body as an adult. But I dont want to be a dude eathir so what the fuck am I? My family calls me an it am i an it? What am i?