I’m an extremely private person. I don’t really vibe with many people.

I know people around me and greet them and stuff but it never leads to deep friendships because from the tiniest conversation I can tell wether or not I’m going to be good friends with them so I don’t end up knowing what to talk about or share much about my life. All my life I’ve only and a very few friends, like one or two at max. But always known and been in good terms with everyone around me.

The first time I moved school I lost my childhood best fiend, the second time I moved school I was around 12 y/o, I kind of lost the constant connection with my best friend.

Then I found this girl I really connected with and we were crazy attached to each other, I’d say we both were going through things in our families so we were sort of emotionally dependent on each other. But through the years of our friendship I noticed that she wasn’t supportive enough, like if I achieved something she wouldn’t mention it when everyone else would run to congratulate me. In school, I did a lot of campaigning for anti bullying and and everyone would show up and acknowledge what I said. When I’d discuss later with her how I fumbled in my speech she’d just say oh I was speaking to this person, believe me nobody actually listens to you they all are here because they have to be. I’d share my notes if she missed classes but she was reluctant to share hers. It’s corny to say this and I’m not even sure if this is the reason but it was almost like she was jealous of all that I was achieving in school, doing fairly well on academics and being the school student president. Idk. The friendship got very toxic after a point and she pitted my classmates against me. It was a very difficult situation for me.

We were like typical besties at one point like psycho and super close. I’ve had friends after her but I haven’t been able to connect with anybody on that level.

Now, that I’m in uni I have the greatest bf ever and he is my best friend but I do miss a female close friend....