Family members discplining your child - what's acceptable??

Question

This could be a controversial topic of conversation? Anyways, I was recently at a family gathering and witnessed a situation that made me think. 
Situation for context: Cousins are playing (ages 5-7). Cousin A comes to her mother saying that cousin B is swearing and saying bad things. A's mothers asks what B is saying, A responds: "B is saying 'girls are fucking bitches." A's mother tells her to go talk to her father so he can handle the situation. Meanwhile, B's father is standing there and listening to A, his response? "If you don't like what he's saying then leave him alone. Don't play with him because I know how you are." Not only was he rude to A (a 7 yr old girl) he also didn't acknowledge or correct his own son's behavior. So, A runs off crying, feelings obviously hurt because of how her uncle just spoke to her. 
It really upset me. My child is only 18 months so I don't have any experience with a situation like this, I don't know if I was overreacting in my feelings of being upset, but I started thinking about how I would react in a situation like, did B's father have the right to speak to A like that?? I think absolutely not and had it been me and my child I wouldn't have sat there saying nothing. Then, my stream of consciousness being the rabbit hole it is .... 
Does it make a difference who the family member is, i.e. if it's someone you're super close to vs. someone you only see on major holidays? IF you spank your kids, are you okay with anyone other than you handling your children like that? 
What do you guys think? Do family members have a right to discpline your children? 
Let's discuss.

Accepted Answer

I’m too passive aggressive. I’d have been like “that’s ok baby some people are raising their kids to be disrespectful, but mommy is not. So if B’s parents are ok with him/her cursing that’s their business. You just remember your manners and don’t use words like that” 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Answer

That has nothing to do with discipline… That dude was a lazy parent who choose to be very rude to a small child rather than do what’s needed to give his own child a lesson in language. Taking bets that mans children say all kinds creative things because he says them himself. What a winner.

Answer

Mmmm I dunno. I think it’s a bit nuts to think other people can’t comment on how your child is acting to your child. This is the real world, your child will face people being unsatisfied with their actions their whole life. So maybe an uncle says something to your kid that your kid doesn’t like. And forever that uncle is seen as a jerk. Oh well. That’s life. That relationship is what it is. It’s one thing to lay a hand on someone’s child, that’s not ok. But to correct them with words, whether wrong or right, I’m ok with it.

Answer

Other family members should only correct the behavior of your child if you are not available, i.e. they are babysitting, and anytime that they do, they need to communicate that with you. Additionally, they should never correct the behavior of your child outside of what you have decided is appropriate for your child - if you don't believe in spanking, then they don't get to spank your child. If they believe your form of correction is abusive, well that's a different conversation to be had (think forcing your child to finish their food even though it contains something they are allergic to because someone worked over a hot stove/oven to make that food for them). Should the uncle have spoken to your cousin in that manner? No, he was being a dick. But her mother also has to respect his boundaries as a parent - if that language is allowed in their house, that's a conversation to have with HIM not his child.

Answer

I think if the child’s parents are present it’s more appropriate to have a conversation with them requesting them to handle disciplining their child. However, then you have to be prepared for what you’re going to do if they refuse.
In the above situation if someone refused to discipline their child for using sexist language in front of mine, I would definitely let them know I’m not okay with their kid being around mine in the future. (Like first off, a little kid saying girls are bitches is learning that attitude and those words somewhere, which means probably the uncle is a sexist ass himself 🙄) And if the adult spoke to my child rudely, I would DEFINITELY have words with them about their own behavior.

Answer

I strongly believe in mind your own child. If my children do something you speak with me directly. I'm their mother so I will discipline them. The only other person with permission to correct my children is my mother and that's only if she's taking care of them and I'm not available. Even then, she knows how indiscipline my kids and respects those boundaries.

Answer

Yes. I want my family to correct my kids behavior if they need it. And I’ve corrected my nephews/nieces behavior before as well. One of my cousins husband is totally nonchalant about his sons behavior and I always end up correcting him (he has gotten aggressive with the other kids, and has disobeyed my house rules). Obviously I would never yell or physically punish a child but I’ve verbally corrected other kids and I’ve taken away a toy once or twice (like when my cousins kid was throwing it at peoples heads). I always give the kids parent a chance to intervene first if they are around to see it.

Answer

With my family, I'd want them to bring problems to me and let me handle the discipline. My family has a tendency to overreact, hit, and give harsh "tough love" punishments that don't really fit what the child did, so I don't trust them to respond appropriately.

Answer

I'm fine with time outs or taking toys away but don't lay hands on my child... Only exception is if they're endangering themselves... Running towards the road that needs to be dealt with immediately by all means spank that bottom

Answer

Nope, I'm fine with other family members disciplining my child. My kid shouldnt be taught to only behave around me because I'm the one who's going to do something about it if they misbehave.

Family members discplining your child - what's acceptable??

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