When did you know it was over?

Question

For those of you that have divorced or left long term relationships, what was it that made you realize you had fallen out of love? How long did it take you to realize? What caused the relationship to fail? Who was at fault?
If you have not yet entered a new relationship, and that person comes to you and proves themselves to be a changed man/woman, would you give the relationship another go? Why?

Answer

You have just explained my life haha. I met and married my husband at 22 years old after 1 trip halfway around he world to meet me, and about 5-6 months of online chatting. He was in the military (helps with the story) and for the first year, everything was great. It wasn’t until his second deployment that things started to change. He was gone for 15 months and I saw him for 3 weeks during that deployment. It was terrible. At some point... he stopped contacting me. I just figured he was busy and he would get in touch when he could. Months passed with no word from him. One day, he emails me and says he doesn’t want to be married anymore. I was heartbroken. As far as I knew, everything between us was great. I told him we would discuss his feelings when he got home. 
He came home and nothing changed. He wasn’t happy to see me and kept me at a distance. I ended up moving out of our apartment because my family is in the state we live in and his is from another country. I had been gone a few weeks and he cheated. We were still communicating but not seeing one another. He got stationed in Hawaii and continued to cheat. I tried to give him his space and I even said I would wait until he was ready and be willing to let him have his fun until the . I couldn’t take the embarrassment anymore and filed for divorce. I was so relieved when everything was final. I was glad to be rid of him. He just wasn’t ready for what I was ready for relationship wise and I needed him to get in touch with himself. 
3 years after our divorce, I received a Facebook friend request. I checked it, and it was him. I was instantly annoyed. What could he have possibly wanted after 3 years? I accepted it (gut feeling) he messaged me asking me to call him. I didn’t want to but again my gut told me I needed to. He apologized for everything that happened in our marriage. It was nice to have closure. We laughed and cried together. We continue to speak after that. I went to see him on a whim. I’m glad I did. I found out later that he planned to commit suicide and that was the reason for his message and apology. I was shocked. He told me that karma really got him after we divorced and he was ashamed and embarrassed. I’m so glad I listened to my gut that night. Anyway, we decided one day that we wanted to be married again and that’s what we did. We got married 3 months after we started speaking again. I know it’s crazy but I love this man and he loves me. I think he always did but was just afraid to be like his father and mother. Anyway, we celebrated 7 years of marriage in March and will be welcoming our second baby in December. I know second chances aren’t for everyone, but sometimes they are well deserved.

Answer

Once i cut through the anger and resentment in couple's counseling, i realized he'd killed the love. I felt nothing for him. I filed for divorce 2 weeks later.

Answer

I knew it was over when I started trying to find any reason not to spend time with him. I made myself super busy and dove headfirst into new hobbies and friends and didn't think twice about hai feelings. Near the end I was a bit of a bitch tbh. 
It ended. I ended it. But I dragged it on too long becuase I didn't know how to end it. We were together 7 years. We just grew in different directions and wanted different things. He wanted to get married right after we graduated university and start having kids and I wasn't ready. I wanted to travel and explore and be free to make my own decisions. He wanted to be grounded and established and be married and have all 3 kids before he was 30. It was too much for me at the time. 
He tried reaching out saying he didn't care when or how or where but he was a little controlling and he said he changed but people don't change for someone else. That makes them unhappy and they will either go back to the way they were or be unhappy and that's not fair of me to ask him to put his dreams and goals on hold for me

When did you know it was over?

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