Today my husband and I made the heartbreaking decision that our sweet Aubrey will be an only child.

I have had a very awful and traumatic pregnancy. 1st tri lost 15lbs from not being able to eat anything but popsicles. Rolled my left ankle in my 2nd tri and was dealing with heat rashes. 3 tri has been a migraine that has lasted 3 weeks and other pre eclamptic symptoms (luckily I don't have it yet), passing out or falling everyday, which has now resulted in a sprain in my right ankle, and being unable to do anything or go anywhere because of spotty vision. I am also on bed rest for the migraines since laying in a dark room is the only relief I get.

Today was also pretty scary because baby girl decided she wasn't going to move. Went in to be monitored and was told they couldn't find a heartbeat but luckily did an ultrasound and found she flipped info breech position and was hiding behind my AP. This was very triggering because of my previous losses.

I am currently off medications for my type 2 bipolar disorder, because my OB said it would be best for the baby if I wasn't on them for the pregnancy, and my depression and anxiety are not handling all of this well at all.

I am feeling weak, heartbroken, and guilty for saying I can't do this again, but my husband and family all agree that it's not worth the risk.I'm angry because when I tried to talk to my mom about it she called me a narcissist because of how often my OB has sent me into labor and delivery. Husband and I have decided not to let my family know anymore after that because it really hurt. I'm sorry for venting, but needed to get this out there.

I understand there are moms out there who have been through worse, but I am feeling majorly defeated and alone rn. Prayers would definitely be appreciated....