Having a rough time

Long rant post from a FTM here.

I’m having such a rough time breastfeeding my three week old. She was born premature at 35 weeks so we knew latching and her being efficient at pulling milk from the breast would be a challenge.

I’ve met with a lactation consultant several times and have another consult coming up but I’m just beginning to feel overwhelmed.

Baby is definitely getting better at getting more milk. But I’m stressed it still isn’t enough so we supplement with breast milk from a bottle. So I’m in the constant cycle of BF, top off and pump and my nipples are so sore.

I’m constantly worrying she isn’t latched correctly. My breasts are large, her mouth is tiny and I was told that’s also a challenge for her.

Not to mention she falls asleep during every feeding so I constantly have to wake her up and burp her or tickle her.

Basically feeding her takes forever and then I pump and then I maybe a half an hour to eat or shower and then start all over. Not to mention I feel like I’m missing out on enjoying my incredible daughter or getting to bond with her through breastfeeding because my anxiety is taking over the experience.

And my nipples are so sore. I use saline, cold/hot compresses, nipple balms, nipple shields everything.

I just had to rant. I want to breastfeed so badly I’m just feeling like such a failure and like I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m trying everything to make this work.