I sit here and wonder how to even begin this..how did my life make it here.

I grew up barely loved. My mother abandoned my siblings and I often. She is an addict to this day. I tried hard to show her I was worth quitting but, she never saw it. My grandmother treated me different because I was the child with medical issues. Lack of ability to speak well nor hear properly. Speech therapy and surgeries helped that but, I was still a bullied child. My dad was military so he was gone a lot. He loved and loves me so much..he just couldn't be there.

He eventually remarried and I couldn't express enough how excited I was to have a mom! Til my story turned into the story of Cinderella without the happy ending and physical abuse on top of the locking in rooms and non-stop cleaning. My dad had no clue. He worked 3 jobs to support the family and she hid it well. I loved her though. I did my best to be a better daughter.

They divorced several years later and I rebelled a little after a while. Moved out with my boyfriend at 17. He quickly became an alcoholic and emotional abusive. I loved him through all of it. I just knew if I could be a better girl friend it would be okay.

By 19 I meant "the man of my dreams" we married 6 months later because he was military and going to Korea. The man of my dreams turned out to be verbally and emotionally abusive. He was physically aggressive..he would not touch me but would punch and break things. It was enough to make me flinch when he was made at me.

I fought for my marriage for 10 years. I could be a better wife and make it stop. 10 long and painful years where I lost myself in the abuse. 2 kids didnt deserve to go through divorce and have a split family. But, I finally also realized 2 kids didn't deserve the family they were given and divorcing would be better for them.

I gave up on love. I gave up on the fact anyone could be the man I always wondered was out there. The man that spoils you and makes you feel like a no one else is in the room. That didnt exists outside of the honey moon phase I'd decided. No man ever wanted me. It was clear they just wanted me for sex. Eventually I'd meet someone who wanted me for a little more than sex and I'd be okay with that as long as he was kind.

But, I was wrong. I met my significant other and he changed my life. We have been together 14 months now and I still feel like he can't see anyone but me. I still constantly catch him staring at me in awe and I just laughed and roll my eyes even though I love it. He lifts me up. He brightens my world. HHe loves me for who I am. I spent so much time asking "are you sure you want this?" "I dont deserve you". But, he never stop insisting that I am everything he wants, exactly the way I am. I no longer had to try to be "better". My kids love him and his kids love me. His daughter is my daughter now. She calls me mom, her mom has been out of the picture for a long time. His son has his mom but, loves me and I love him. We have a daughter that is our angel and suffered another loss in August but, I know life is going to bless us if we remain patient. I thought I was Cinderella without the happy ending.. my happy ending just took longer.