Warning sex talk

I’m currently 6 months pregnant and feel like the ugliest human alive. My parents barely seems attracted to me sexually, and if we do ever have sex it’s so boring. It’s the same thing, he puts it in and sorts himself out. He’s not one that likes to do oral but likes to receive it, however I love receiving oral (the one time he did it).

If I’m lucky he will try to rub me or finger me but he so bad at it and I just don’t have to heart to tell him.

I feel like whenever he comes in that he just expects a clean house, dinner made and a happy girlfriend; yet I sit in the bathroom and cry because of how shitty I feel.

I hate being pregnant and I didn’t want to have a kid for another 3/4 years at least. I live with my parents and he has a job he hates and I’m a student. I hate my baby, I put on a smile and take my mum out shopping for baby stuff but I just feel like I’m gonna break down because I hate it so much and I don’t want it.

I feel so shitty for hating it, feeling like I look like crap (I have always hated my body but now thanks to being pregnant I’m even larger) and for my boyfriend just making me feel even uglier then I already feel I am. I get that he may not like doing it but normally he makes an excuse like I’m hairy or not clean even though I shaved and washed just so he could do.

I feel so lost and so alone. I have no friend to tell any of this to and I can never talk to him because he always seems to busy on his phone. My mum just judges me and my dad never gets it. I need advice

I couldn’t put it up for adoption as my boyfriend would then leave me and my parents would probably disown me