ED relapse at 16 years old

I’m 16 years old and I’ve recently relapsed, I’ve had bulimia nervosa for almost a year now but I took a “break” for a couple of weeks thinking things were starting to get better. Honestly I’m getting sick of purging, and counting my calories, and not being able to enjoy a single meal without wanting cry. Does anybody have any advice? I’ve gone to therapy, and they’ve recommended I do some rehab time but I decided not to. I just want to be thin and pretty, not for anyone else but just for myself. I keep thinking that things will only get better but I know they won’t. It’s like I don’t want help but at the same time I really do. Does anybody have any advice? (Sorry if this is all over the place I am a mess right now)