I was very inexperienced and very naive. Hell maybe I still am. He came out of left field. He was just supposed to be a thrill of the chase. There was no way we were gonna be anything. We worked together and he just didn’t seem that interested but the chase got me. Well I caught him. It started with just hooking up but no sex. Then sex happened and it was only supposed to be fwb (exclusive) I was okay with the no title but didn’t want to be one of many. He understood and respected that. Then we took our first out of town trip, then we planned our weeks to not only see each other at work but to see each other out of work once or twice a week. Then I pushed and he distanced himself so I thought for sure that was the end of us. Then we kept our bday plans we made with each other before things got bad. Then we fell right back into each other. Then we found out he had an std and he gave it to me. I believed and still believe he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else because his face and actions said it all when he found out. Then we got back to a good place. Now here we are a year and a half later and I’m ready to call it quits. There was so much good about us. He taught me about my body and what works for me sexually. He showed me that no matter how much you say you don’t want something sometimes you just can’t control it. He was far from perfect but he cared about me and I truly believe that. But now I want so much more and he doesn’t want to give it to me. I get that his life is changing but he’s pushing me away and I’m just getting tired of trying because he doesn’t try. I’ve always put most of the work in but he’s always at least meet me. But I’m tired of putting all the work and getting nothing in return. I’m coming on 30 and I’m ready for a true relationship with someone that wants me. But a part of me wants it to be him so bad! Part of me knows he can be that guy because I’ve seen him be that guy.

But I know I deserve so much better but that doesn’t make letting him go any easier. He’s not a bad guy and doesn’t disrespect me. I’ve never wondered if there is someone else. He just isn’t ready for the responsibility and I need to find someone who is... but still I want him to be it!!!

*Please be kind. I’m having a hard time letting go and am just looking for positive feedback. Thank you!