Venting about my wedding.

For starters, I know how little the wedding itself matters and how the most important thing is that I’m married to the person I love. He’s incredible, and he’s helped me through these difficult emotions.

Here’s a list of what went wrong:

1. We were going to get married 02/08/2020, but my grandmother who I’m incredibly close to has been very sick so we moved it to 08/10/2019. Because we moved it forward we decided to cut the guest list WAY down (from 120 to 55) because we had to do it in our back yard to save money. This made everyone on my side of the family pissed off. My grandmother was too sick to come anyways.

2. I didn’t get to choose any decorations because my MIL and SIL bought everything. It fit the scheme but part of the fun of a wedding is choosing the stuff!

3. Asked the groomsmen to wear blue chinos and a white button up - they complained when we told them about a crazy good deal on the pants we wanted them to wear ($45/pair but they’re chinos that can be worn to work. We went so cheap on everything but I wanted everyone to at least look like this was an important day) because they “didn’t think they’d have to buy anything”. I ended up using money I really didn’t have to buy all of them clothes. Since we bought the groomsmen their pants I get like I had to buy my brides man and bridesmaid their stuff to keep it fair.

5. Because we spent all of the money on their clothes my husband and I just slept together at our house the night before the wedding. I got ready in our tiny cramped bathroom and I had to direct people in my spanks because my bridesmaid and man of honor had zero idea what the plan for the day was because neither of them thought they had to do anything.

5. Went to pick up my dress the Thursday before my Saturday wedding and my bridesmaid still hadn’t found anything so I took her with. She picked something out that needed to be ordered in and said the sales lady said it would be in on time. I said “it will be here by Saturday??” She said “why Saturday? I can come in and get it, you don’t have to.” I said “the wedding is Saturday” she said “I thought it was in late September!”. I felt very loved (sarcasm).

6. Our bridal party didn’t throw either of us bachelor/ette parties, which I had been really looking forward to.

7. We had a tiny wedding and invited about 55 people. Only maybe 30 came, which I knew was a possibility, it just sucked.

8. Catering was done by my aunt. I told everyone that the plan was for us to go to the front of the house and do wedding party photos/couple photos for one hour then we’d be back and could eat. When we came back in after photos people were already eating, so we didn’t get greeted and nobody looked excited about us being there. Everyone was eating so we went to go take a break and sign the paperwork. When we came back multiple people told me they were going to leave. I also found that my friend left without saying anything. It had been 2 hours max.

9. When we got back we asked our officiant to announce us and we’d do cake. He did, we did cake, people ate cake, then everyone packed up and left IMMEDIATELY AFTER CAKE. We didn’t get to do a first dance, which I opted not to do since everyone was already leaving and it would have been fucking embarrassing.

10. Since the original plan was to get married in February we had already scheduled our honeymoon for 02/10/2020, which I knew was going to suck. my mom threw us a bridal shower and asked for money to send us on a “minimoon” instead of gifts. I was so thankful and so excited because I really didn’t want the wedding to be done and we just? Go back inside? Watch tv? We only got to have one day of minimoon, and even though my husband chose to take us to a minor league baseball game in a suburb I don’t care about I was still very excited to do this and have a moment of peace just the two of us. The night before he “reminded me” that his mom needed us to take his grandmother (she’s not a good person, very manipulative, drug addict, etc.) with us and drop her off at her house before we got to the hotel.. The reasoning was that otherwise his stepdad would have to fly her all the way there, then Come back and fly his other grandmother all the way to her town. His grandmother that we drove lives literally 1.5 hours from our house, and his sister or mom could have driven her home.

So we drove his awful grandmother with us on our way to our honeymoon. I felt very special. (Sarcasm)

11. Forgot to mention that I had asked my family to come over early on the Friday before the wedding to set up. At 9:00 am I had a panic attack because my MIL had decorated the night before while we were at work and I hated it. I felt like I didn’t get a say in a single thing about how it looked and I lost it. My husband had to go to the barber so he had to leave but his mom was on her way over and I just couldn’t bare the thought of dealing with her by myself while I was so panicky and crying. I called my mom and begged her to come over as soon as possible so I wasn’t alone. She said of course. She showed up at 6:00pm. After my MIL and GIL (not the bad one) had already helped me do all of the work setting up tables and chairs and crap and had left to go work on bouquets, and after my bridesmaid showed up at 3:00, and after the groomsmen showed up at 5:30 (the wedding party all had to work that day and came after work.). I’m very thankful for my MIL and GIL for coming out early and I feel bad for being so ungrateful in the moment.

All in all I hated many things about my wedding and have a lot of FOMO about things, and a lot of regrets and a lot of unnecessary debt. And a big one: I’ve had to lie about how great my wedding was and how it was the happiest day of my life. It just wasn’t. It wasn’t magical, it wasn’t perfect, and if I could do it all again I would in a heartbeat just to try and get things right. I don’t regret marrying him and I don’t regret moving it forward. I just regret my blind trust in people and I regret assuming they would prioritize the wedding like I was.

Anyways. I’m glad it’s over and I can move on, but our friends (one of the groomsmen) is getting married next month and my husband is throwing his bachelor party this weekend and I can’t help but feel jealous about all of the great things that they have gotten to do and will get to do and it brings up so many shitty feelings.