Backstory, he lives with me, we’ve had problems and I told him we have to go to therapy, also he has to fix his drug problem, his mother (who’s an alcoholic) told him I’m to controlling( am I?) and that he has to focus on making money and becoming successful and that everything else is basically irrelevant. I’ve sacrificed so much and before he said he’d do it. Now that he’s back talking to his mom (they weren’t talking because it was toxic) he keeps saying what he can’t and isn’t willing to do...and he’s a completely different person now..😔 anyways, I’m learning to accept that..but I’m grieving..he told me he doesn’t want to be with me “right now” he wants to focus on money and our daughter...

Every time I see him, I feel sadness. I start praying and it works but we live together..I see him everyday. He sleeps on the couch but that hurts...I’m just reminded of the pain..,this is the message I was going to send him. I love him , but honestly what WOULD Jesus do??!!!

I don’t think you realize how difficult this is for me.

I still feel as though I’m sacrificing a lot.

I’m grieving, and as I’m grieving I’m being told to put my feelings aside, give you the opportunity to use me and my foundation as a steppingstone.

Because there are benefits and convenience.

I’m being told “I don’t want you, I don’t want you in my life, I don’t want to build with you, but for right now I need you, then after I’m done using you , I’m leaving.”

That’s not a good and easy feeling for me to accept.

I love you. But just because I love you, doesn’t mean I should abuse myself in the process.

I’m sad, and I have to give myself time to grieve. Though it inconveniences you for the moment. I’m not at all being benefited in this situation. Besides , everyday. I have to see the person I want to be with and keep telling myself no. I’m just being constantly reminded of the unrequited Love. I was willing to do what you needed to feel love. But you said no for me, you said you were incapable and unwilling. So no, it doesn’t stop how I love you. And I’ll never regret loving you as much as I did. But same with you, I must change how I deal with you.

I want you to know that there are lively benefits for keeping you here, like a whenever I need babysitter, knowing that you’re physically okay.

But I don’t want to use you... and convince myself that because I’m benefitted , it’s worth my integrity.

And I’ll always tell you, with me. It was deeper than that. Deeper than what anyone can see and even wrap their minds around.

I’m doing this because though it won’t take the love I have for you away, it should help this healing process for me.

Out of sight out of mind??? Idk...