I’m awful

I was engaged to a guy but I broke it off because he was abusive I don’t want to go into detail about it but a few months later me and my guy best friend started to get close and a few more months pass and he asks to be official I was skeptical about it because I told myself I was just gonna date around and just be me but I told him yes because I trust him 100% and he’s so sweet well a couple months into the relationship I told him I needed a break I started to get anxiety about being trapped like I was with my ex fiancé and I slept with another guy I met at work I felt disgusting after and hated myself I went back to my boyfriend and.told him I wanted to continue the relationship and now we’ve been together for 6 months and I love him so much but I keep telling myself if I love him how could I do that I hate myself so much for this but are relationship is so so good now and I now for certain I want to be with him and just him

Does anyone have any advice please no hate I know what I did is awful