Yet to be a mum

I was 7 weeks pregnant this week. When I was 18 I miscarried at 7 weeks... it has been on my mind all week (I’m 23 and married to the most wonderful man now). On Wednesday morning I started to spot. The doctors did an ultrasound and found a heartbeat and told me not to worry, it was probably just implantation bleeding as my baby was only 6 weeks 3 days not 7 weeks, and to rest until it stops. Yesterday I lost our baby. My husband and I are totally devastated. For 4 weeks we were in this dream, looking at baby things, our parents had bought our baby, clothes and my sister has given me all her baby stuff which my husband and I have been looking through. All this baby stuff is spread across the floor of our spare room, I can’t bare to even walk in there right now. Everyone was so excited for our first child and my in-laws first grandbaby. Now it’s like we have woken up from that dream and it’s all over. Theres no more counting down to exciting moments, scans, gender reveal, due date. We are so heartbroken. This is my second miscarriage, I am yet to be a mother. I feel so useless and I feel like I’ve let my husband down, I know he doesn’t think that, he has been so supportive. But I still feel that way. It was hard the first time even though it was unplanned. But this baby was planned, it was so wanted and so loved already. The grief I have this time is so much more intense and hurts so deeply. How did you cope with your loss?