So. I’m 39 weeks today with my second baby. I had pre-eclampsia with my first pregnancy and was induced at 37 weeks. I had an emergency c-section where I was put under due to a prolapsed cord. I was never even in labor with that induction. They gave me cytotek and then after 18 hours of absolutely no contractions and no progress, they broke my water at only 2cm, and my son wasn’t even fully engaged in my pelvis (hence the cord prolapse).

After dealing with PTSD and a lot of anger and resentment about how everything went down, I’ve been preparing for a VBAC with this second pregnancy.

I’ve found an incredible practice of midwives at an amazing and renowned hospital who are super supportive and have been great with me during the last part of this pregnancy. They’ve been encouraging me to do anything and everything I can to get things to start progressing on their own and to get my cervix to start ripening. (Raspberry leaf tea, evening primrose oil, sex, membrane sweeps- I’ve had 2 now, regular acupuncture treatments, chiropractic work, and bouncing on an exercise ball).

Tomorrow, I’m going to the hospital for a scheduled induction just to try a foley bulb. Since I’m trying for a VBAC, we want to avoid pitocin or any other medications for induction. Baby girl is also expected to be 9-10 lbs by now. So.

It feels like there’s this perfect storm of factors and circumstances working against me. 1. This is a VBAC attempt. 2. Baby girl is HUGE. 3. I’m not showing signs of progress or impending labor on my own. 4. But we don’t want to medically induce because that will raise the chances of a repeat c-section.

I’m just feeling overwhelmed, nervous, scared, excited, done, and unsure of everything. I’m worried that if I make a certain choice (like using pitocin and being fully induced tomorrow), it’ll lead to a repeat c-section. Or, if I don’t make a certain choice, (like choosing to just let things go without any sort of intervention and she gets too big and by body never goes into labor on its own), it’ll also lead to a repeat c-section. UGH.

I also have symphysis pubis dysfunction (since 11 weeks), and I’m in a TON of pain. I don’t want to make decisions out of fear or solely based on my physical and emotional done-ness.

If you’ve made it this far, you’re a champ. Anyone experience anything similar to this? Anyone else in a similar situation? Send help!