This is going to be a long one. Nobody has to read it but if I don’t get it out I might actually explode. If you do read it, any advice on how to relieve stress would be great. My hair is LITERALLY falling out.

I moved into my own apartment from my parents house a year ago. I had to leave my dog there because my sister was bawling when she thought I was taking him. He’d always been more of a family pet anyways. They also have another dog that he’s been attached at the hip with since we brought it home. They are inseparable. Plus going from a giant yard and house to my one bedroom apartment would suck. He’d be miserable. I work 10 hours a day. So I left him. Everyone was happier that way. A few weeks ago I got a phone call saying my grandpaw was having trouble speaking. When I got there he was fine. I have my EMT and I knew he’d just had a mini stroke which probably means more we’re coming. He said it’s been happening for months and since it hasn’t killed him yet he’s not going to the hospital. One screaming match later he agrees to go to a doctors office when he can. I was right. He’s been having mini strokes because something is wrong with his heart and they can’t figure out why. A week ago I found out my grandmother, his wife, has breast cancer. She doesn’t want treatment because “it would ruin her quality of life she has left”. Which I suppose I understand but it still breaks everything in my soul. She is a very private person and doesn’t want pity so I am not allowed to tell anybody. I have nobody to talk to out of respect to her. Which is why I am anonymously posting here. I’m losing my mind. I found out last week that the dogs at my parents house took off. And that my moms puppy came home torn to pieces. He needed surgery. My dog never came home. I always knew he would’ve died protecting his little brother, I just never thought he’d ever have to. I’ve checked every place that has dogs, including pet stores in a desperate attempt to hold on to the idea he might be okay. It’s been a week and I’m still doing it. I’ll never give up. My boss has been up my ass cussing and screaming at me like garbage for a month now. He doesn’t know. He can’t know because he’s friend with my family. I can’t tell him. He’s not trustworthy at all. My “best friend”, who tried to tell, keeps blowing it off. She only calls me when she needs something anymore. Usually it’s so I can cover her while she cheats with literally a new guy every week. Something she knows I absolutely do NOT believe in or want any part in. I guess she got caught because she asked if she could stay with tonight and I didn’t text back. Am I a bad friend? I’m just so tired of everything. I want to be alone. It’s therapeutic. I live alone for a reason. She’s also a complete and total slob. Like, should have her own episode or Hoarders it’s so bad. I don’t want that here. I keep a clean house because I have the immune system of Benjamin Button. I have to. Something she never understood. We were roommates for 6 months before I moved back home. It was DISGUSTING. I couldn’t handle it. I still feel guilty about not responding to her but I physically can’t tell her no. That feels worse somehow. So I just ignore her. I just need some time alone.