Is i rape/sexual assault?

Okay, so I know this may be a dumb question. I know what rape/sexual assault is but I’m very confused on this so please help.

So first off, I’m not ready to be in a sexually intimate relationship with someone, I have told my current boyfriend this multiple times, yet when we are alone he completely ignores that and initiates oral or tries to finger me. This is even after me telling him, before and during, “stop” and “no” whilst also pushing his hands away (or trying to) before becoming silent and just accepting. Acting normal afterwards as if it was normal and nothing happened, or telling myself I “did consent”. I’ve told him so many times I’m not ready, yet he continues to do this. The other day, after I had a couple drinks (I was not drunk, but was half asleep) he climbed on top of me, despite me telling him 2 hours before hand I wanted to stop anything “sexual” and take a few steps back, and began to have “sex” with me. Despite me trying to push him off and say no. I wasn’t pushing very hard or saying no too often, probably because I was very tired and wasn’t fully taking in what was happening. For the most part I was silent and just went with it, despite me not wanting to (he usually uses his strength to hold me down until I stop fighting). And when he stopped for a little and asked if he could continue move, I just remained silent and nodded? Afterwards we had a shower together and I smiled and laughed as if it was completely consensual and THATS why I’m so confused. I did NOT consent but I was silent and went along with it, even if I did try to get him to stop at the beginning, at the end I acted normal.. he still continues to hold my arms so tightly I cant move when he tries to do anything sexual with me and I still try to push him away. But I’m always pretending to be normal afterwards... and a time after that I had given actual consent to having sex with him~ so is it really rape if I consent to another time AFTER the “rape”? He’s so nice to me beforehand and afterwards, yet during he doesn’t stop despite me saying “stop” “no” or physically pushing him away as hard as I can. I think he has also left bruises on my arm from holding it so tightly.....

Please help.