And I watched my brother die..?

Me and my sister were best friends. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss him. I wish I could just pick up the phone and hear her voice, her laugh, her sigh. I wish I could feel her touch. I miss doing sister things together, gossiping, and being so close. I celebrate her everyday.

Yesterday was tough. But every year gets a little more “normal.” The last half of the year is hard, as her passing date is in July, her birthday in September and then the holidays.

But to the point of this post..

Last night, on my sisters birthday, I watched my little brother die... in a dream.

It was the most vivid dream I have ever had.

My brother is in the military, currently home for a couple weeks before he heads out on deployment.

In my dream my brother was traveling back to where he is stationed and for whatever reason it was live on tv. The road he was driving was, like, a roller coaster set up- road on stilts, high above the mountains and very windy. He was speeding and hit a turn, seemed like he made it and all of a sudden the car falls off of the road. He falls out of the car and I watch my brother splat on the concrete and his head busts open and he starts bleeding immediately.

In my dream I remember feeling “how am I an only child now. Why do I keep losing my siblings.” And I had the same exact unbearable feeling when I woke up, as I did when my sister passed away.

I can’t get that picture of my brother dying out of my head. I can’t unsee it, it just keeps replaying.

I was telling my mom about my dream and it dawned on me... I had the dream in relation to my grief with my sister.

Little light bulb just went off and just wanted to jot it down.

Thanks for reading if you made it thru!