I was molested and raped at a child (age 8–11) by my step dad. I never told anyone until i was 16, my mom seemed like she didn’t believe so i left it alone. I would have flash backs here and there. Last year when i got engaged i had a major mental breakdown, because the memories came back to vividly and frequently and i couldn’t shake them. I was encouraged by friends to seek counseling stated on anti depressant meds and felt like i was getting better. My now husband knew about the abuse ( i didn’t wanna keep that from him) but after marriage i could not bring my self to have sex, every time i closed my eyes all i saw was my abuser. I tried meditation and everything. After we stopped having sex and i finished counseling i felt like a new person. I finally had a grip on life again and life was back to normal. I’m still on my antidepressants, but those memories and flashbacks are coming back and i don’t know what to do. I don’t want my husband to touch me and he gets a little upset about it. He says he understands and doesn’t wanna push me, but i can tell he just wants to have sex with his wife. I feel really bad and I’ve expressed to him that i want the same things i just don’t know what to do. He says he won’t leave me because i don’t wanna have sex, but I’m just so scared he is going to be tired of waiting and go sleep with someone else. Any advice???