Confused

My SO and I have been together three years and it’s been on and off and very up and down but it’s hard to tell why exactly. Neither of us has ever cheated or any big trust violations. We do fine on a day to day basis but we both have chronic depression, anxiety, and attachment disorders. During stress he tends to withdraw and I tend to seek closeness. He seems to fear commitment and I really want to get married eventually. He has said he wants the same things as me in the future, marriage, kids, a house etc. but our relationship hasn’t moved in that direction from what i can tell and I feel like I don’t know what he wants deep down and sometimes seems like he doesn’t either. When I bring up conversations about the state of our relationship they end in a fight and although I have worked on communication skills a lot he gets very upset and seems like we just upset each other and it ends with both of us feeling unloved. I want to try couples counseling but he doesn’t think it will help and offers no solutions. When I ask why he doesn’t talk about the future lately he says he doesn’t even know if we are good for each other and he doesn’t know what to do about it which seems crazy because we have been together and known each other for quite a while. But i try to validate him and try to suggest solutions like counseling or just moving on if he thinks we are incompatible but he doesn’t like that idea either. I told him it’s not ok to be having conversations about whether we are even right for each other at this point in the relationship, when I have been ready to move forward for a while and talk about marriage and kids. I want to try everything to fix it and he says he doesn’t want to leave but he’s having a hard time with himself now and can hardly take care of himself. It’s driving me crazy and I feel heart broken and confused and desperate. Any advice?