I’m officially five days late....

While normally this would be exciting since my husband and I have been actively trying for over a year now, we’ve faced quite a bit of heart break in that time.

This time last year we were pregnant with our first child. Unfortunately, we lost the baby about a month after we discovered we were pregnant. Needless to say, we were devastated. The doctors didn’t do much investigating and we received the basic “this is common and it happens to a lot of couples. You’re probably fine.” After about a month, we decided to try Again and quickly conceived a second time. Unfortunately, we lost our second baby as well. With back to back miscarriages so quickly, the doctors ran the multitude of tests to discover that I was perfectly healthy but that my husband’s sperm were not. We found all this out about 3 months ago and my husband began taking a fertility blend recommended by the specialist to improve the shape of his sperm. We have not been actively trying and returned to our former pull-out method to give his sperm time to adjust. He has one more month of vitamins and then we can test his sperm again but...

Now I’m five days late... this wasn’t planned and if I am pregnant we will rejoice but I can’t help but be fearful of another miscarriage. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it because they all went through the pain with us before so here I am. Writing to release my anxiety to those of you who have experienced my pain on a more personal level. I suppose there’s potential that I’m just late on my menstrual cycle since things have been particularly stressful but of course I am hoping for a miracle. It’s such a weird feeling to want something so badly but to be so petrified at the same time.

I’m not sure I can handle another miscarriage... I’ve barely handled the first two. Some days, I don’t feel like I’m handling at all. I’ll endure either way and I pray that our time will come soon but any positive words or prays are always appreciated. Thank you for reading my post and providing an outlet to an aching mother of angels. 👼👼💚💙