My marriage failed. I'm failing at being alone and this depression is kicking my ass. I'm failing at doing this without help and am having to get a second job to keep my head above the water. I sit in my apartment alone and dont even notice time passing. I don't have friends. The person who means so much to me is 8 hours away. I'm so fucking lonely. I just sit here and cry sometimes not even knowing why. My insurance isn't good enough to cover therapy and I have a gene mutation that makes medication for depression give me terrible reactions. Everyone I get close to bails or I bail on them because at the end of the day I don't want to be a burden on anyone's mind. I'm trying to go to church but I dont even know what God thinks about me at this point. I'm just so lost. I was so confident in the beginning of doing all of this on my own and the reality is starting to set in that all I really have is myself and my 2 cats. I'm going to spend holidays alone for the first time in my life and that just hits me in the heart like no other. All I want is someone to hold me and tell me I'm going to be okay. That this is temporary. That I made the right choices putting myself first for once in my life. But even if someone told me all of that, I dont know if I would ever be able to believe it