So ..I wasn’t sure who to talk to. I wasn’t sure who would understand how I feel or why I’m so fearful! Please don’t judge me. So I am pregnant with my second baby! We just had the gender scan about 1 week ago and my husband and I choose to not find out till the gender reveal! Here’s my problem! I’m so afraid it’s going to be a girl! Don’t get me wrong I always wanted a girl but since having my first child (a boy and he’s almost 3) I’ve ran into some fears! ..here is goes..😢 as a child I was molested by my cousin! He was way older then me and it lasted for a very long time! I didn’t tell anyone until I met my boyfriend at the time (my husband of 5 years now) he gave me confidence and showed me that he no longer controls my life! Well I got away from my abuser for a while. He came around becasue like I said he is my cousin but I was able to leave and be ok to the best of my abilities. When I got pregnant it was my last year to say anything but I was moving to another state and I thought well hey fresh start and I can get away from him but it wasn’t that easy becasue he called me and told me that he was being accused of touching little girls (3 girls who are now grown like me came forward) it was hard becasue he was my babysitter and very close so I don’t know why but I felt bad for him even though everything he did was HIS fault! I told him “ but you did those things to me” and he ignored me! At that time I didn’t realize it but I was opening a door of fear back into my life! For whatever reason he got out of what they were accusing him of😑😩..a little later my husband starts talking about how he wants a little girl and how hes excited for another baby and then all the sudden I’m terrified! So here’s where I am now! I’m going to have a baby and this whole time I’ve been so scared it’s going to be a girl! I should be happy but instead I’m over come by fear!! I’m so scared he’s going to get her or look at her I mean I don’t even want him to see her or know she is even alive in the world!!!😩😩😩😩 I’m guessing this is called gender disappointment? I don’t want anyone to think I’m crazy or just being ridiculous! I shouldn’t sit here and be afraid of someone who is far away! And I should be happy we are bringing a new life into the world but instead I’m just so scared!!! And yes I know this is very possible with having boys too but the fact that I know who the monster is makes me worried about having a girl! Does this makes sense!? Has anyone ever felt this way!? Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to worry about because I would never let my child ( or anyone else’s child if I can help it) around him but somehow to me it’s not the simple! We find out what we are having on October 19th! 😕